If your woman is silenced meaning she can’t speak up for herself, she doesn’t have a voice…that doesn’t benefit you. You want support and love from her. You look to her for peace. Encouragement from your woman makes a difference. True or true? If you’re saying you want a woman who can hold her own but you keep choosing women that have low self-esteem who are the type to not speak up for themselves in a relationship, how is that really going to help you? That low self-esteemed woman is not likely to tell you the truth. She’s not going to tell you where you can improve or provide any ideas or suggestions. Based on her low self-esteem and/or conditioning, she’s going to tell you what you want to hear or she may not say anything at all. Then you are upset that you’re unfulfilled and not getting what you need. Well, you chose her. And you keep choosing that type of woman. YOU are the common denominator. As a whole, we don’t benefit from as a society by silencing women or conditioning a woman to believe that she is less than you. That’s probably why a number of women have an issue with the word submission. Given how we’ve operated as a society in relation to women, it seems like being submissive equates to being a puppet. Being a doormat. Fellas, you can’t have it both ways. There’s no perfect person. There is no perfect relationship. Can you choose better? Sure. How? Do the inner work. Do your self-reflection. Identify those patterns within yourself that cause you to choose the same person. Commit to healing. You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge.
Take the classic movie Coming to America with Eddie Murphy. Hakeem the Prince is set to have an arranged marriage with a woman named Imani. In the movie, Imani tells him that she was born to serve him. At the beginning of the ceremony, he pulls her away to talk to her; he asks her what music she likes, what type of food she likes, etc. Her reply is “whatever type of food you like”. Every response to his question ends in “whatever you like”. Hakeem basically says to her “I know what I like” but I’d like to know what you like. He was trying to learn about her individual interests. He even asks her to bark like a dog and hop on one foot. She did! Remember, she was born to serve him. In this movie, the prince himself was not interested in a woman like this. A woman like this to me is in essence a puppet. She’s submissive. It’s all about him. Whatever he likes. It’s all about serving the man. Her wants and her needs are irrelevant. This is the same type of conditioning that I believe a lot of women are still operating from. They neglect themselves for the sake of a man. That doesn’t fare well in a healthy relationship where both people take each other’s needs and wants into consideration. From my perspective, only a user, abuser, taker, manipulator…would want a woman like Imani. He can control her. I personally think you would get bored or frustrated with a woman like that…in essence, a ‘yes’ woman. I believe you should try and find a balance. Or your perfect complement.
I said it before. It seems guys nowadays want a woman to do everything. Cook, clean, take care of kids, work full time, pay half the rent and be available for sex all while he just shows up. Go figure! I can’t fathom a situation where that will work. Nonetheless, I believe you should do what works for your household. However, putting the majority of the burden on a woman isn’t fair and probably won’t work. Let’s be honest. Your dating pattern reveals that you go for that type of woman. You yourself may have low self-esteem or are really insecure so you subconsciously do not go for a woman that can hold her own. That woman would challenge you and hold you accountable which is what you need but your ego can’t handle that. That’s not who you go for. Nope. You go for what’s easy and comfortable. Or you go for the ones who you can control because you know they won’t require much from you albeit complaining about them. This is why we all have to continually be doing the inner work. No one gets 100% of what they want. We all have flaws and imperfections.
Who you decide to choose as a life partner is important. It will have a direct effect on you. If you want your Imani, go for it. But don’t complain when she doesn’t speak up or just accepts anything. You chose her. You may realize that you aren’t progressing in your life or you’re not happy but you chose someone that just falls in line, just follows along even if it may not be in your best interest. That’s her conditioning and what you signed up for. If you believe Lisa may be a better option, then you’ll have to level up. Prepare yourself for a Lisa and choose differently.
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