What is it about marriage that has so many women rushing to the altar regardless of whether the guy is actually RIGHT for them or not? One reason I would say is the idea of living happily ever after. The fairytale. Is marriage really the end all be all? I don’t believe so. I believe in marriage; if that’s what you want, great. If you don’t want to be married, great. It’s your choice. I have had conversations with some married people who believe that marriage is overrated. There is a previous mentor that said the same thing. The mentor said that marriage is overrated in the sense that you really need to know what you’re getting into. It’s not a fairytale. I want my Queens to consider the space within themselves that it’s coming from. The real underlying intention. I believe that is how it will manifest. Whatever the truth is will manifest that way. Are you holding onto outdated beliefs from childhood? We have to challenge our beliefs and perceptions. Most of what we know was instilled into us from childhood. We didn’t have any control over that as children but we can challenge that now as adults. We can decide whether those beliefs are serving us or not and decide to make a conscious change. There’s more to life than having the title of being a wife. There’s more to life than male attention. It’s great if you have found your forever person and it is RIGHT. However, if you’re rushing for the sake of feeling worthy of love, it’s likely going to backfire. That truth will surface. Do you just want to experience a wedding? Do you just want to experience being proposed to? Are you doing it just to be able to flash your ring finger with a ring on it? I would really do the self-reflection to figure out your deepest desires. Your truest intention.
Take Oprah and Stedman for example. I know that some religious people may want to insert what the Bible says but it’s not necessary. Oprah is spiritual. However, her and Stedman’s non-marital relationship have outlasted many marriages. They’re committed life partners. They don’t have kids together, they never got married, and they’re still together. I see nothing wrong with this. When you look at the divorce rate, it makes me wonder. Are we putting marriage on a pedestal like it’s the epitome of womanhood? Relationships are supposed to be additions, not subtractions. Being married may be what you want but it may not be what you need. Marriage is not the cure for singleness. A relationship may be what you want but not what you need right now. Just like college isn’t for everyone, I don’t think marriage is for everyone. I don’t think everyone can even handle monogamy. There’s no judgment for polyamorous people. You just need to be honest with yourself. Really figure out what is best for you and your lifestyle. If you are getting married simply because you believe that’s what you’re supposed to do, that will likely lead to issues. That conditioning can cause a woman to miss red flags and incompatibility. Doing what society has programmed you to believe you’re supposed to do as opposed to doing what’s actually RIGHT for you is probably not going to turn out well. You deserve to do what’s best for you. You are worthy of doing what’s best for you. If you’re rushing to get into a relationship just to quell loneliness or to have a body next to you as opposed to someone that’s actually right and compatible with you, it’s probably not going to turn out well.
Ladies, your worth and value is not determined by your relationship status. I know some of you may be losing hope but hold on. I believe it’s better to be alone than just accept any piece of a man especially if he’s not right for you. That truth will manifest in your relationship or situationship. People cannot outdo their truth. If you stay with or hold onto that ‘project’ or ‘placeholder’, then there’s no space for the right person. Love yourselves ladies! Put yourselves first! The man cannot do what you don’t allow. I believe in love. I believe love is a beautiful thing when it’s right. Two people coming together that have a genuine connection, are compatible and commit to loving each other for a lifetime is beautiful. And that is whether they get married or not. Real love is rare however, I do believe it exists. Regardless of what you choose for yourself Queens, know that you are worthy of the love you desire. You deserve the love that you desire. You deserve all of your heart’s desires. You have to believe it. You cannot manifest what you don’t believe. Believe in yourself. Believe in your abilities. Believe in what’s in your heart. Anything is possible ladies. You are worthy and deserving of the best Queens. Don’t ever forget that.
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